New year 2007 and raya haji coming too!

Wanna write on new year and stuff..but for now,i'm just so grateful not to land on one of those beds in 7A wards for the time being..its Raya Haji for God sakes!! Gimme a break will ya? Well the hospital then decided to give me a break..ah thank you again..can enjoy my raya peacefully now. For such festivity mood, there's nothing more you want then to be around your family. Doing catching ups, playing cards till the very night ends. Meeting long lost uncle hoping he came back shouting hysterically - EYYYY WE ARE THE LONG LOST LINE OF PAHANG ROYALTIES!!!!! - wishful thinking king i am~

Maybe a new post or two before ward admission. Looong posts~maybe - sigh*

Anyway, readers: in here i would love to say Happy New Year! and Happy Raya Haji! as well. Take good care of yourselves. When you do the countdown, at the end of the new year celebration, dont end up lying on the street counting stars, too drunk to even walk..i've seen that in Sunway pyramid last year..so much 4 new year resolutions and all haha! Oh and the pic there..its me and my notorious nephew ~Aliff Zainuddin..and yeah, my hair is WEIRD haha!..Kay then..au revoir~

Apocalyptica is kool

Poetry Appreciation - Farewell

I have already written some nice poems in the past but never get to name such post sections. So any poems i find interesting, meaningful, beautiful etc shall be written under the title 'Poetry Appreciation' (yay!) from now on. And this poem i found in ERL train today, while going to Cyberjaya. I wish there's more poems displayed on bus-stops, in the bus, or anywhere..at least such beautiful literature can be appreciated more.


Farewell

Waving a white hand,
I called you:
The voice calling you
Filled the sky out the edge.

Following you with only my eyes,
I visit your window.
Even on a black grape
Hangs a tiny potrait of you.

Turning back forlorn from you
I shed a tear drop
The thought of waiting in solitude
Renews my tender sorrow


Kim Kwang-Sop
translated by Lee Chang-Bai

Words Of Wisdom

Yay! Got a new idea what to write in this busuk blog of mine! I'm adding up a new article section call Words of Wisdom..where old already-white-haired or already-dead masters of past spoke words of deep thoughts after some deep meditation done in the forest, mountains or one-night-stand toilets.





So said Master Sun-Tzu:

Ultimate Excellence lies

Not in winning

Every battle

But in defeating the enemy

Without ever fighting.

To Be Dark But Not Sinister~

For someone who show me light during my darkest night

You know who you are

Though you are far

Thank you for showing me that there's still a star

And show what <3 means..haha!

The painting I drew, i drew for you

You showed me what it means to be somebody new..lol!

What You Have Shown Me

What have you show me then?

You show what love means, to give and sacrifice undividedly

You show me how to cry, till my eyes are red and swollen and dry

You show me what family means, rather than you take them away from me

You show me how to stand, high, tall and grand

You show me what hurt is, and how i try hard to understand it as a bliss

You show me how to be strong, in you i can never see wrong

You show me how to live, and you show me how to die

You show me how to hope, to crash it and to lie

You show me kindness, passion and affection

You show me how to understand, things that i can't comprehend

You show me the way in, but now i'm out colder than ever

You show me the meaning forever, and the phrase 'never say never'

It has been a pleasure, for what you have shown me

It will be something I'll remember for eternity.




Andri Ghazali
1983-present

Song Of The Week : Rod Stewart - I Don't Want To Talk About It

I was waiting for my cousin, Kak Ija to pick me up from KLCC at 10 pm ++ . Shops were already closed, most of the entrance were also closed, except for a few , to make entry to mid-nite moviegoers at TGV. I was waiting and catching my breath after climbing up and down the already-not-functional escalators, sitting on the marble seating in front of Topshop, having the gigantic Xmas tree as a vire (a fantastic one that is). And I looked above, and I see people staring down, killing time, probably looking at the Xmas tree too. And there, one floor above me (or was it two?) a couple was figthing. The girl staring at the Xmas tree idly, while it was the BF who was acting like a monkey, with arms flailing around, and heads wobbling left and right. Couldnt hear the dialogue though, since they were too far above me, and yeah they were Indians, if i could listen also, i wouldn't understand the issue. The fighting scene ended with the girl leaving in tears. And didn't really know where the boy went though, but i ended up humming this song. This beautiful legendary Rod Stewart's song. As I myself once felt the same feelings the girl felt. Confused, heart-broken and sad. Sit deep in thoughts and feel your sadness then.




I can tell by your eyes that you've prob'bly been cryin' forever
eyes never lie
And the stars in the sky don't mean nothing ' to you, they're a mirror
a mirror that reflects your sadness
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart
after i tried staying strong
If I stay here just a little bit longer
and not go away
If I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whooa, heart?
would you?
If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the colour of my heart?
or will i stand with open scars?
Blue for tears, black for the night's fears
Red for my bleedings, and all the cuts that i take
The star in the sky don't mean nothin' to you they're a mirror
A mirror of sorrow
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart
cracked and shattered
If I stay here just a little bit longer
patiently
If I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whooa, heart?
would you hear my silent sadness?
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke this ol' heart
let me be alone

If I stay here just a little bit longer
would you be there?
if I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whooa heart?
would you shade my tears?
My heart, whooa, heart.
that only beats for you

How Hurtful Can It Be Tomorrow?

Today you say you love me, tomorrow you'll say words of hate

Today you make me happy, tomorrow you'll show me what sadness is

Today you say you wanna marry, tomorrow you'll say "are you kidding me?"

Today you say we'll be together, tomorrow you'll say "let me go further"

Today you say i'm everything, tomorrow you'll make me feel that i am nothing

Today you fly me to heaven, tomorrow you'll plunge me down to hell

Today you made me feel glad, tomorrow you'll made me feel bad

Today you say you adore me, tomorrow you'll say "please let me be free"

Today you make me smile, tomorrow I'll have tears in my eyes

Today you heal me from being sick, tomorrow you'll again make me weak

Today you fill me with joy, tomorrow sorrow is my toy

Today we walk hand-in hand, tomorrow you walk past me by like you don't give damn

Today i see my life is new, tomorrow you'll make me feel blue

Today you kiss me and want me to stay, tomorrow you'll say "Please stay away!"

Today you say I'm so strong, tomorrow you'll say i got it all wrong

Today you say I'm perfect, tomorrow you'll throw me away like a defect

Today you say we are soulmates, tomorrow what you've said was just fake

Today your hug was warm, tomorrow your stare will be ice-cold storm

Today you show me heaven's way, tomorrow it's my heart that you slyly slay

Today you give me hope, tomorrow you'll show me I am a dope

Today you say I'm full of grace, tomorrow you'll say "Please, I need some space"

Today you give me wings to fly, tomorrow you'll coldly see me fall and cry

Today you fill my life with laughter, tomorrow it's the same life you shatter

Today you say forever to our relationship, tomorrow you'll say I'm just a black sheep

Today you accept me as I am, tomorrow you want me to change me all over again

Today we love and flirt, tomorrow you'll treat me like dirt

Today you got me all excited, tomorrow you got me all fed-up and tired

Today you say I'm the sweetest baby, tomorrow you'll treat me maliciously

But I am still the foolish me, loving you no matter what will be

So tell me, how hurtful can it be?

For tomorrow you are still you without me,

but I'm fragile and weak without you, can't you see?



Andri Ghazali
1983 - present

tensi

tension..when u write so much for half a day..suddenly theres a bloody alert saying your HTML is not accepted and you can't publish what you wrote..&$#@^$*(#)!!!

Of Malay's Kemelayuan (continued)

Have we fallen to the state of becoming more complacent by the day? Stories of the working ethics of the government workers have become more and more disturbing so they say..they punch in their punch cards on time (at 9) and half and hour later can be found drinking teh tariks and roti canais at the mamak stalls nearby. Is it because they felt their job-security is so secured? that they need not to perform? Need not to pour hours and hours in the office till late at night to get things done? to empty the 'in' box to the 'out' box? need not to work as hard as their peers in the private sector? And yes most of the working class in the government sector is dominated by the Malays. I know a few who went out to lunch right on time - at 12.30 and only appear visible on his table back at 3.

What about service then? things got better when government offices are centralized in Putrajaya..thanks to Dr. Mahathir's brainchild (that got bambooed in the 1st place for coming up with such revolutionary ideas). But still, when you call for inquiries etc, familiar with the feeling of being told to wait and then being passed around and around from one person to another, for hours and hours, as if the telephone service in this country is free? that still happens in most of our govt offices today, despite their nicely set-up with nice marbles and new furnitures offices. And what still lingers today is the Malay attitude of only wanting to serve who they think of having high position and importance. Prejudice - easy to say. You get more attention if you clad yourself with batiks or coat with nice silk shiny neck-ties. It still happens in most govt hospitals today..Hospital of all the places for god's sake~bile then Melayu nak mengembang?

What about our university students then? IPTA that consists mostly of Malays? Screaming headlines of Malay girls being picked up in black-tinted cars during the weekends doing whatever-it-is they do in non-mainstream newspapers..Screaming headlines of Malay male being mat rempit terorrizing the streets during the nights. So much of harapan bangsa. Ever spent some time in one of those PS? No, i'm not talking bout the playstation, but the pusat serenti instead. Who then conquers the serentis if its not the Malays. And the sad part is, the dealers are mostly Malay too. I once, was offered ganja a few years back, and the opportunity to make big bucks by becoming a drug ealer myself a few years back. That's what Malays are all about, only interested in making fast cash, - despite right or wrong. Oh yeah, not to mention, how most of us are more interested in easier escapades by seeking drugs, rather than properly solve the -kononnyer masalah negara - you only have constant-fighting parents, and you claim that's a BIG problem - and there you go with your tuned-up bike going out during the night..seeking peace (kononnyer)..then hang out at your friend's place who offers you marijuana and syaboo, friends who acts as if they are concerned and offer you drugs to forget your problems away. You may forget the problems for awhile while getting high, but yet its still there. And the worst part is, you cant forget the drugs away. A few months later, you got watched by the cops, and heyyy presto, the next thing you know, you're already having your stale lunch in on of Malaysia's Pusat Serenti outlets.

And so ends the tertiary education that promises you a good life. And so crash the high hope your parents they have in you. And so ends another country asset. And you live day by day regretting the mistakes you made. With a shaved head you go out to seek employment, and you get rejected, and you blame the society, then off you go again the same cycle of seeking drugs as a release and the same stale meal will end up in your menu again, being a constant customer to the Serenti outlet. And then, you waste your life growing old, with nothing accomplished in life..sitting for hours looking back through time of what could have beens, of what you could have become..wishing if you could turn back time, and relive your youth all over again..but helpless and in deep regret you are till the day death greets you.. ahh, such a disturbing plague that still exists within us the Malays.

Of Malay's Kemelayuan (bila nak mengembang?)

Tempted to write such article a long long time ago..but never did..would it be radical? would i be; what people label as - another poyo Malay who doesn't appreciate his root, culture, ancestry, perasan mat saleh, too poisoned with the Westerners mind..or whatever..this is my damn blog, my damn bloody mind, my damn bloody thoughts, my damn bloody hands, and Azeem's PC..so i may write what i please..and i dont give a rat's ass what you people think of it too..so boo me and piss off.

I have read somewhere (can't remember) that once, J.W.W Birch, the British resident of Perak during the colonial times, wrote in his diaries (or was it his report?) how he described the Malay after some observation. He wrote that the Malays loves picnic, entertainment, relaxing. A race of politeness but alse regarded as lazy. But then again, Birch was known for his high-headedness during that time. No wonder he ended up dead murdered. That was long ago. Back then, Sultans played big roles in administration before being stripped of such powers slowly by deceit and force by the British Residents. Back then, Malays were reformed under one unity. Back then, Malays were different.

I'm not writing here to create racial polarization or differentiation or seperation whatsoever. I write this because I am born a Malay and shall die a Malay, stuck in the Malay's ways of culture and life. Whoever did came with the name melayu i think, was kinda stupid though since layu is assosiciated with being low, lifeless, pessimism etc. Do you think the Malays are rich in culture? tradition? sophisticated? In line with other races in Malaysia? or the world? If so..would it be the Malays of the past? present? or future? Does Malay even have a future? (oh such provoking questions)..Ever think of what life would be if the Malays are the minorities instead of being the political majorities in Malaysia? Would it be as similar as Singaporean Malays?

Ever seen a Malay kedai makan besides a street? Serving you the average nasik this and nasik that, beverages, open-air seatings with tv (now plasma screens mostly woho) with wrestlings on..then after a few weeks, words spread that the restaurant - lets name it Mak Usu tomyam - serve good mouth-watering dishes, cheap, kedai makan that you worship and stay devoted. After awhile, Mak Usu will have a big crowd of customers to attend to, business seems to bloom, Mak Usu maybe starting to think of new zinc-expansion of the restaurant, maybe a few more cooks and waiters, new menus, a bigger fridge, new ABC corner, ASTRO etc etc.the next thing you know, by next week, a NEW kedai makan got erected just a few monkey steps (sekangkang kera actually haha) from Mak Usu's now legendary restaurant.

Another tomyam restaurant goes by the name MakZah or whatever that is..unexpected neighbour for Mak Usu..unexpected rivalry..Rivalry became fiercer and fiercer..if mak Usu has a flat screen TV, Mak Zah got a plasma screen..if nasik goreng from one side is 3 bux, the other will plunge market sale by 2.50..play dirty by releasing hush hush words "Mak Usu's kitchen brings new higher meanings to filth, Mak Usu this, Mak Usu that" the usual backstabbing dialogues..then go to bomoh/witch curse voodoo spells and black magic and shyt..scary huh? To such extend people are willing to go..and usually the neighbour to neighbour thingy goes only synonim to Malays though..havent heard yet the Chinese or Indians do such things..let alone the Kadazan and their peaceful rumah panjangs. So Melayu bile nak mengembang?

Look how supportive the Chinese are within their community..One new shop opens, the owner celebrate it by inviting everyone - the neighbouring shop owners, businessmen, etc. to this one big grand hall, with hundreds of tables, serving good food, drinks, karaoke-ing through the night, amking sure that it's a grand night, making sure he has a grand opening for his new restaurant..look at the Lion's club..how they poll money toghether and such for the benefit of schools etc. Oh now, i'm pro Chinese? anti-Malay? whatever..haha


to be continued if feel like doin so - for now lapar cam haram - au revoir

The proud Malaysian movie industry

Decided to take a break from writing : my story (part III) for awhile..its halfway done tho..but for now what i wanna do is really get my mind out from the freakish scary memories of chemo's and radiotherapies and stupor and bla bla bla..Spent half a day today reading John Grisham's the Testament. Tryin to finish the damn book for the past 2 months but then again it was challenging for me in doing so as i was in and out of the Hospital and all and all..

Then spent another half of my day Wikipedia reading..of amazing writers and how deep the length they went, how detailed their work they wrote.. read about Star Wars' Executive Order 66 and the Jedi members that perished in the famous Great Jedi Purge..kinda interesting how detailed and how deep the galaxy George Lucas invented..like how Tolkien did in his world of Lord of the Rings and detailed explanations of everything in his earlier book The Hobbit..how the mighty Sauron was just a servant for the true dark lord Morgoth..the true origins of Orcs.. also read of how J.K Rowling made it BIG in the literature industry, coming out of poverty and a miserable divorce (haha the most recognised loser in the world he must be, the ex-husband) to become the richest writer ever..

now also have i spawned into myself a daily habit of reading Yasmin Ahmad's blog (yes the Sepet director) Interesting, informative from a director that never fails to attract controversies..the thing is about her (in my opinion that is) is that there's nothing wrong or controversial or radical messages or seperatists influence or whatever the critics say in her..it's the critics that i found wrong in our movie industry..its the critics that i found to be so lame..so conventional traditional old skool boring..the cencorship department in Perfileman Negara or whoever its is..thank you for being responsible in making sure the movie industry here terbantut forever and ever

You have Sepet and you go screwing it up..saying it potrays false this and false that..rising the issues of inter-racial stuff..helloooo..don't you notice that we live in a variety of race here?? ever heard the words "love is blind?" Malaysians today have step forward out of conventional thinking of - love is restricted to your own race kinda thing - and become bolder and wiser. You have unique Chindians here and there, Malays holding hands with Chinese, Indians holding hands with Malays, and now even Banglas, Pakistanis, Indos are also in the race.. Such issues were already there even since the Sepet movie..and only Yasmin was brave enough to put it in the media..to put it in our attention..to state that we Malaysians are open-minded..

Ohh but noo..you cannot see such radical movie flourish..such important message that Yasmin wanted to deliver you see it with half-closed eyes..and go give positive reviews to Gerak Khas : The Movie or all the bloody Sembilu movies..Cinta Kolestrol? Just because it was the bloody 1st fat suit in Malaysia you made BIG and IMPRESSIVE comments..and give dark reviews of Sepet, a movie that touches racial issues, issues that we know exist but never want to admit freely..commenting the movie to be provocative and went over the line..LAME comments to a DARING movie..go back to America 1900's then..then you'll know what race really means..

Song of The Week : The Perishers - There's Nothing Like You And I

Due to some recommendations, I am already starting to spawn a little interest in the band The Perishers. It's kinda soothing and all type of music makes you go daydreaming in front of the pc. Nice music. Nice band. Nice lyrics. Readers that really have no clue of what to do on their 1st date have this lyrics as a summary of the idiots guide to love (i think) . So enjoy..


We spent some time
together walking
Spent some time just talking
about who we were
You held my hand so
very tightly
And told me what we
could be dreaming of

There's nothing like you and I

We spent some time
together drinking
Spent some time just thinking
about days of joy
As our hearts started
beating faster
I recalled your laughter
from long ago

There's nothing like you and I

We spent some time
together crying
Spent some time just trying
to let each other go
I held your hand so
very tightly
And told you what i would be
dreaming of

There's nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?
There's nothing like you and I

untitled

if i could cry the pain away

or shout out loud just to numb it i would

the pain of a cold knife piercing through your bloodveins with every heartbeat that goes

how i bite my lips just to stay sane

how i clenched my fists and gritted my teeth

how i close my eyes shut just to imagine i'm on a pearly-white sandy beach

the twitching and shivering

the heat inside and the coldness outside

if i have to go through all these to repay my sins overdue

then every jolt of pain is worth it




andri ghazali
1983 - present