melancholic lullabies

L.O.V.E. (Part II)

2007-03-09T13:35:00.000+08:00

Well it's been more than a week now since i posted anything in this 'Melancholic Lullabies" of mine..well i guess this is kinda the right moment to post a new post inside here, so that your weekend would be worse than ever - reading my blog that completely brings nothing of significant..i think.

By tomorrow, i'll be going to the wedding of Azrul (my cousin) and Ruby in the famous Dewan MErak Kayangan..or something that sounds like it. Ah, finally they are tying the knot. Its nice to see such nice happy endings ala a fairytale story. Well, that's love. Either you end your life holding hands with your loved ones till the very end of your life, fulfilling every vows that you announced on your historical magical wedding day..or you also - due to love - might end up sitting alone, wanting nothing more of the heartaches the game could offer..

In English we call it 'fate', 'destiny'..in Malay it's jodoh. Jodoh as they say, has already been fixed by God, as same as our death. Not being an anti-orthodox or anything, but yes, i do believe that death and jodoh is all has been arranged by God. So as our success, our failure, our achievements, our gain and our loss..i think that too, has been prefixed by God. But can a man be a successful CEO by not putting any effort? God has stated in the holy book of Quran, that he will permit us change, but only if we put effort in it. As to that, i believe that jodoh is also something you have to work on too, something you have to put effort to make it work.

The thing we (mostly us, the Malays) do today, that if anything goes wrong, we have this tendency of putting all the blame towards jodoh. If a married couple divorces, they blame it on jodoh. If a woman found herself still holding the 'single' title when she's 40, yep, she'll blame it on jodoh. For me, jodoh is just a scapegoat we choose to use when things go bleak. A total devoted believer of jodoh would actually (i think) cage her daughter in a room in the highest tower ala Rapunzel and still, one day, a man would come and offer marriage. Are you sh#*&ing me?? What happens when divorces happens? do you work it out first? Go to counseling? Rekindle your every first moments by going to the places you've gone while you were madly drunkly in love during your youthful time? or you just blame it to 'oh there's no jodoh, what to do, what to do.."??It may sound easy, but complicated things. problems that we continuously have around us, it's wiser to pick one problem at a time and work it out rather than using the 'jump ship' method all the time.

So what if one day, you woke up feeling - damn it i have been with this guy/chick for a year now, and suddenly i have this boring feeling. I don't want to see his/her face ever again. I want to be single again?? Then you'll end up being another number in the statistics of unmarried people - who'll always blame it on jodoh, blaming on high demands in workplace, blaming of lack of time, blaming the ill fated bad-luck that you inherited from your late late late late great great great granma/granpa. When it is plainly seen that you yourself doesn't have the maturity to handle complicated situation in a relationship. Of course the first few months of love can be so sweet, then when it reaches a year or two, then only our commitment and maturity will be put to test. And often we fail, as it is human nature, for us, we only want the sweet part of things, and ignore the bitter taste that could offer nothing but hurt, heartaches, boredom, frustration and bla bla bla...

It's easy to fall in love, but to keep yourself to be in love is a totally different matter. Commitment, loyalty, toleration, patience are all the things you need to survive in the battle, as love not only gives you hope, passion, the cloud-9 feeling, it also in time, will offer you heartache, hurt, boredom, vengeance and all the other bad things the world could possibly offer. When your bf/gf cursed you and screamed at you, the choice is yours to scream back, or even to tie her and hit her with a 4x4 vehicle..it may sound fulfilling to your hatred feelings for him/her, but anger and temper would never resolve and solve anything.That's the one valuable lesson i have learned..is to lose your temper, is to only brings matter worse..

Well thats if for now i guess, gotta pack my things and figure out what i'm gonna buy as a wedding gift for Azrul and Ruby..Take care and au revoir~

I Want...

2007-03-01T15:52:00.000+08:00

If you just give me the chance, these are the things i dream that i want to do, of course, for you..

I want you to always feel happy, never ever has a single thing to worry

I want to hold your hand, while we sleep, while we talk, and while looking at the sunset we stand

I want to kiss you good morning, and cover you with blanket and wait for you to fall asleep and peck you on the cheek wishing you good night

I want you to smile, every time you remember me by

I want you to never have to say you're sorry

I want you to never have to feel sad, down, gloomy or mad

I want you to never have to feel lonely, frustrated and bored

I want you to know how much i love you, there's nothing that i won't do for you

I want you to cage me, as for you, i don't want to be free

I want to grow old with you, do dishes together, while we cry ourselves out with laughter

I want to be the only one for you, cheering you up, whenever you feel blue

I want to be your shoulder to cry on, i'll be there till all your tears are gone

I want to be your soulmate, a place for you to love and hate

I want nothing more, but to see your face everytime i knock at the door

I want to be remembered, as your best man ever

I want to hold you in my arms, to make you feel safe, to make you feel warm

I want to outlive myself for you, to know that it's best thing that i will ever do

I want to show how much you mean to me, i would give you the world, the sky and the sea

I want to die in your arms, smiling saying goodbye for the very last time

I want to love you like no other person could possibly do.

Azie, I want only you.

And I thank you for being there for me, to love and to care, forever I'm in debt to the priceless moments we share.

Why I Love You So Much

2007-02-27T11:06:00.000+08:00

One day while you were sitting beside me, while we were in the car, while we were walking, while we were together, often you ask me why do i love you so much. And since that day, everytime i know the answer, i typed it into my computer. There's all 145 reasons for me to love you till this day. But in here, i'll just write the 1st 25 as to write all 145 would take a very very biiig looong space =) And to that question, here are my answers:

1) You changed my life, from crying in the darkness, to smiling in the light

2) You show me that laughter isthe best medicine in all illness

3) You show me how love is, full of compassion

4) You love me like no other living person could love someone

5) You show me the meaning of honesty

6) You show me the meaning of loyalty

7) You are the sweetest person i have ever encountered in my 23 years of life

8) When we say goodbye, i miss you instantly

9) You are, without a doubt, the soulmate that i seek

10) Your toleration and understanding i could compare to no one

11) Your smile is as angelic as it can be

12) You never fail to make me laugh and smile

13) Your temper show me how much you care for me

14) You is all i see, everytime, everywhere

15) You are what every boyfriend wants, and every boyfriend needs

16) You are my first true best friend

17) You are always there when i need you the most

18) You bring me out of difficult moments in my life

19) You make me dream of a future that i thought i could never have

20) You make me smile everynight before i sleep

21) You make me eager to live

22) You teach me courage, and honesty to one's self

23) You teach me patience and toleration

24) You show me the truest sense of friendship and relationship

25) You complete my life

And there is nothing more that i could wish for, for you to be here by my side. To be the one kissing you goodnight, and good morning, is something that forever i will be longing.

Azie, this is for you, and i love you more than ever..

X0X0X0~

Things You Don't Get To See Everyday

2007-02-23T14:57:00.000+08:00

Godey-godey dave's pc and i found a few interesting pix ranging from Mateng's peaceful slumber while waiting at IJN to Kechik's ciku-chak behind a tree to the kanak-kanak istimewa expressing their frustrations ..things you don't get to see everyday.. =)

The Table Manners Story

2007-02-23T13:19:00.000+08:00

Helloo! I'm back after CNY break..Didn't get as much angpow as expected..ahh nowadays angpows are replaced with oranges and Cap Tangan groundnuts..aiikh what to do, what to do..anyway, since im having a lot of free time today, i wanna write about table manners lah - since we Malaysian have all this kind of variety of food, from roti canai to spaghetti, from teh tarik to Esprit, from mamak rojak at the tepi longkang with his motorcycle alertly waiting the arrival of the bloody MPPJ/DBKL, to the lavishly decorated Big Apple Restaurant at the Berjaya Times Square Hotel. One unique thing about the eating manners that we Malaysians have, is that we really, really, really like to talk while we chomp our food. So while the conversation is about to get more and more interesting, so does the food that's being mercilessly chomped in the mouth. You can practically see the complete process of the shredding of a whatever-that-is-being-bitten-to-smitherins by the end of the conversations..Yep thats us.. =)

Anywayyyy..this is among the most basic table manners that can be practised in important business functions, romantic candle-lit dinners, wedding dinners, kenduri, family dinners at home or at the mamaks for all i care..haha

1. DON'T SLOUCH

Mind your posture. Sit up straight and don't lean back on your chair, or too far forward. Keep your arms near your body and elbows off the table. Don't put your feet up on a chair, especially if someone else is in that chair.

2. DON'T BE MESSY

When you sit down, put the napkin on your lap and leave it there to catch any stray food. If you spill something, use your napkin to prevent anything from spilling onto other people sitting next to you, before you attempt to protect your own clothes. If you need to remove something from your food such as a stray piece of hair or an insect, do so subtly and place it under the edge of your plate.

3. DON'T EMIT BODILY NOISES

Avoid coughing and nose blowing. If you need to cough or sneeze, turn your head away from the table and cover your mouth with your napkin. An inappropriate burp or fart may ruin the meal for anyone else.

4. FINGERS ARE A NO-NO
Try not to order anything that doesn't require the use of cutlery such as hamburgers, french fries and corn on the cob. Use a knife and fork for your food, and put your knife down before you start eating. Never use your fork to cut food. Foods you can eat with your fingers. But then, often we have trouble with cutlery as well. And so, here's how to delicately enjoy your food with your cutlery

5. DON'T REACH FOR FOOD

Rather than reaching over someone for anything, simply ask someone to pass it to you. And, make sure to pass whatever's near you around the table as well. But only pass it if you're the closest person to the item. And when you pass the salt and pepper, they should always be passed around together.

6. DON'T BLOW YOUR FOOD
Blowing on your food is only acceptable if you're five years old and the woman sitting across from you is your mother. Simply allow any hot food to cool down on its own before you eat it. And don't slurp.

7. DON'T BITE OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW
You don't want to choke during a business lunch, literally or figuratively. So place small portions of food into your mouth and chew them thoroughly. Chew with your mouth closed and don't make any noise

8. DON"T SPRAY FOOD WHEN YOU SPEAK

Don't drink or talk with your mouth full. The last thing you want is for bits of your meal to end up on your company's plate or face. Once food goes into your mouth, it shouldn't be seen again. If you need to spit a piece of food out, do it surreptitiously by using your napkin and pretending to wipe your mouth.

9. DON'T PICK YOUR TEETH WOO

If you feel a particle of food stuck between your teeth, try to use your tongue to dislodge it. Or, take a sip of water and push the water through your teeth to remove the food (subtly of course). If these attempts fail, excuse yourself from the table, grab a toothpick, and do the heavy digging in the bathroom. And never scratch your body, pick your nose, or clean your ears, especially with your car keys

10. INDULGE IS FINE, BUT DON'T OVERINDULGE

Pace yourself with food and alcohol. Take your time eating and try to finish at the same time as your companions. And as for alcohol, don't drink more than others at the table or more than you can handle. The point is to impress people with your manners, not your drinking abilities.(*hic hic*)

11. DON'T BE A DOWNER

Don't ruin a pleasant meal by bringing up polarizing topics like politics or religion. Conversation and conduct should be light and cheerful. Be good company, in a good mood. When in doubt, keep your mouth shut and listen. If you're on a date, let the girl ramble on about her job, family and friends.

12. NEVER COMPLAIN

When faced with an entre that tastes like low-grade horsemeat, don't blame the waitress -- she didn't cook it. Raising a big stink will make you look like a jerk. Simply ask for a different dish to replace it. But if you're eating at someone's house, just grin and bear it because saying anything would be rude.

13. DON'T LOOK LIKE A SLOB

Dress appropriately for the occasion with clean, unwrikled clothes in good repair. If you're wearing a hat, especially a baseball cap, remove it before you are seated. Don't chew gum or smoke at the table.

To know more, here's a few websites you can look through :

http://www.cuisinenet.com/glossary/tableman.html

http://www.lahacal.org/gentleman/table.html

http://www.nationalcenter.org/WashingtonCivility.html

So so, Bon appetit!!~

Words Of Wisdom

2007-02-19T10:58:00.000+08:00

And so said the genius, Albert Einstein:

If A is success in life

then A = x + y + z

Work is x;

y is play;

and z is keeping your mouth shut

L.O.V.E. (Part I)

2007-02-18T13:02:00.000+08:00

Oh, here we are again, with the same lame topic..AHGAINN..the lovey dovey mushhy mushhhy topic..make it the topic of the year oh for all i care.. Just read Yuen's blog about love with his usual very2 respective writings and opinions about love and not to forget the trivia knowledge the wiki-freak got all filed and foldered in his ever-anarchist mind. And the post somehow triggered me to write my own opinion about the same topic; love..or CHEIINTAAAA while doing sudoku on the Net (and i blame Ca'un and Amy for the sudoku-fever reoccurence) lalalala~

Oh, yeah i am no casanova nor romeo, just one ordinary Joe with an ordinary life - make it an ordinary cancer-plagued life - who is about to waste his time chattering like a monkey about this LOVE topic of his. And of my 25 years of life, my first love was one stupid meaningless puppy-love of 7 years that went dead naturally with the girl chose to end it with no pride, let alone respect nor dignity. And regret? I never even had any..In fact, it was a feeling of actually breaking free from a 7 years death sentence..To be wise, you need to do mistakes in your life. To know that you need to do mistakes to be wise, you need to prepare yourself for heartaches and cushion yourself from the hardfall. Love isn't all about the you're-in-cloud-nine-feeling 24/7..it comes in a package..Like buy 1 free 1 kinda thing..When you love, it also comes with hate, and other 1001 ugly hideous feelings that you never thought you get to nightmarishly experience.

Love is capable of making a toastmaster stutter, and making the happiest person suffer. As Yuen wrote in his 'post - Filler' : "It's easy to fall in love when you're lonely", i find the statement is true for most of us weak Earthlings, or may it be Weaklings. When you're loneley, in the dark quite solitudity, when you sit alone at the mamak stall drinking your teh tarik and every table around you is filled with laughter..and you need at least another person to make a laughter - indicating they are not alone. You laugh alone at a mamak stall, you'll end up in the psychiatric ward for a month or two. When you're single, you tend to hold this mantra to believe that it's the coolest thing ever - not to be binded, not having to commit, no one to boss you around of not to do this and that, free to be youself, free to do anything you want- bt then, until one day, when you were in your stride, you halt, to realize that how long will you live like this? Seeing one person to another without ever thinking of having a serious-meaningful relationship etc. How long will you be able to stand on the singularity status? How long will you humm the "I Will Survive" song? Not till the song changed into "I Will Sour-vive" i think...

that's all for now then..time for a lil sleep and AXN-watching..Part 2 of the LOVE will come in the near future :) Take care readers, and au revoir~

Song Of The Week : Muse - Starlight

2007-02-15T19:29:00.000+08:00

A nice song! Owh the drum is awesome!! And the black jacket that they all wore in the vid clips is all cool..especially the drummer's. View the cool vid clip at my friendster's page. Hope you guys enjoy it as much as i do! They'll be coming to Malaysia this 24th..but dont think there's anymore tickets though *sigh*

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

Starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Far away
The ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

Starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore

I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

And Here I Am..Back In MMU Again

2007-02-15T18:06:00.000+08:00

Hola sanyoritas and papa margharitas!! The talking-blog writing-annoying panda is back! Heh..its nearly a month now i didn't open my blog..let alone writing in it..ah as if u guys missed me :P Well things have going on a lot lately..I'm back in MMU(yay!), back to living in Cyberjaya - a place to practice to live in Hell 7th floor, back residing in MMU's cramped-but-not-so-many-reliable-books library..but the air conditioning is still superb, back to hanging out with friends at Putrajaya bridge (mummy, if you're reading this..i'm doing revisions at the library), back to dinners at Malee, bck to the old life of Andri Ghazali. And i have never been happier :)

Currently i am homeless..which is something that is not-so-proud-to-be-bragged-upon.. Something came up with the landlord bla bla bla..and the next thing you know, you ended up having neck pains from looking for posted banners advertising 'Room for Rent' from the not-so-sky-scrapping-but-still-high Cyberia condos. Ah, that can be left later..after Chinese new year..and yeah for Chinese readers i wish you all a Gong Xi Fa Cai..Ang Pau Na Laiiiiiiii..

Currently, i am still waiting for my money from MMU finance..which can and may take forever and ever..and I am taking the hardest subjects in MMU right now..really really tough ones deyhhh..Both Management and Advanced Managerial English is something you don't kid about..haha! But the advanced managerial English has a nice ring to it though..as if you are taking English lessons from Cambridge/Oxford or Wharton's School of Business kan?kan?kan? For now its not that hectic but room-hunting really gets you with the post-fatigue and kinda hurts your wallet a lot with the top-ups you continuously buying from the NZ store just to call agents to know that they only have rooms priced at 450-500 bux a month.Are you shitting me? 500 bux a month? It's like a perbelanjaan seorang ayah terhadap anak beliau di sekolah rendah sri petaling tau takk??

I still got another 2 years to leave this living hell hot-skin-piercing-UVrays tahap tader kesian punya university..make it 3 lah..wanna get out from here with a 1st class degree..then pursue Master's at Wharton School of Business after finishing my contract at UOB for 3 years. Ah, and after that continue being a student in UM doing law degree..See, who says i can't figure out what i'm gonna do with my cancer-plagued life..heheh

Well..that's it for now..ahh, for my official black-nail remover, thank you soo muchh..later in free time i treat you makan ok? (keropok lekor at the lori begerak in front of Cyberia can or not? haha) Kay then..need to take a cat's nap for awhile..later they are all going to Sunway midnite GSC watching Ghostrider (mummy again..if you're reading this..i'm planning to stay-up at the library till midnite coz after CNY-break got exam :p)

Take care and au revoir~

New year 2007 and raya haji coming too!

2006-12-30T20:42:00.000+08:00

Wanna write on new year and stuff..but for now,i'm just so grateful not to land on one of those beds in 7A wards for the time being..its Raya Haji for God sakes!! Gimme a break will ya? Well the hospital then decided to give me a break..ah thank you again..can enjoy my raya peacefully now. For such festivity mood, there's nothing more you want then to be around your family. Doing catching ups, playing cards till the very night ends. Meeting long lost uncle hoping he came back shouting hysterically - EYYYY WE ARE THE LONG LOST LINE OF PAHANG ROYALTIES!!!!! - wishful thinking king i am~

Maybe a new post or two before ward admission. Looong posts~maybe - sigh*

Anyway, readers: in here i would love to say Happy New Year! and Happy Raya Haji! as well. Take good care of yourselves. When you do the countdown, at the end of the new year celebration, dont end up lying on the street counting stars, too drunk to even walk..i've seen that in Sunway pyramid last year..so much 4 new year resolutions and all haha! Oh and the pic there..its me and my notorious nephew ~Aliff Zainuddin..and yeah, my hair is WEIRD haha!..Kay then..au revoir~

Apocalyptica is kool

2006-12-27T00:15:00.001+08:00

Poetry Appreciation - Farewell

2006-12-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

I have already written some nice poems in the past but never get to name such post sections. So any poems i find interesting, meaningful, beautiful etc shall be written under the title 'Poetry Appreciation' (yay!) from now on. And this poem i found in ERL train today, while going to Cyberjaya. I wish there's more poems displayed on bus-stops, in the bus, or anywhere..at least such beautiful literature can be appreciated more.

Farewell

Waving a white hand,
I called you:
The voice calling you
Filled the sky out the edge.

Following you with only my eyes,
I visit your window.
Even on a black grape
Hangs a tiny potrait of you.

Turning back forlorn from you
I shed a tear drop
The thought of waiting in solitude
Renews my tender sorrow

Kim Kwang-Sop
translated by Lee Chang-Bai

Words Of Wisdom

2006-12-23T11:58:00.000+08:00

Yay! Got a new idea what to write in this busuk blog of mine! I'm adding up a new article section call Words of Wisdom..where old already-white-haired or already-dead masters of past spoke words of deep thoughts after some deep meditation done in the forest, mountains or one-night-stand toilets.

So said Master Sun-Tzu:

Ultimate Excellence lies

Not in winning

Every battle

But in defeating the enemy

Without ever fighting.

To Be Dark But Not Sinister~

2006-12-21T14:13:00.000+08:00

For someone who show me light during my darkest night

You know who you are

Though you are far

Thank you for showing me that there's still a star

And show what <3 means..haha!

The painting I drew, i drew for you

You showed me what it means to be somebody new..lol!

What You Have Shown Me

2006-12-21T11:57:00.000+08:00

What have you show me then?

You show what love means, to give and sacrifice undividedly

You show me how to cry, till my eyes are red and swollen and dry

You show me what family means, rather than you take them away from me

You show me how to stand, high, tall and grand

You show me what hurt is, and how i try hard to understand it as a bliss

You show me how to be strong, in you i can never see wrong

You show me how to live, and you show me how to die

You show me how to hope, to crash it and to lie

You show me kindness, passion and affection

You show me how to understand, things that i can't comprehend

You show me the way in, but now i'm out colder than ever

You show me the meaning forever, and the phrase 'never say never'

It has been a pleasure, for what you have shown me

It will be something I'll remember for eternity.

Andri Ghazali
1983-present

Song Of The Week : Rod Stewart - I Don't Want To Talk About It

2006-12-19T22:48:00.000+08:00

I was waiting for my cousin, Kak Ija to pick me up from KLCC at 10 pm ++ . Shops were already closed, most of the entrance were also closed, except for a few , to make entry to mid-nite moviegoers at TGV. I was waiting and catching my breath after climbing up and down the already-not-functional escalators, sitting on the marble seating in front of Topshop, having the gigantic Xmas tree as a vire (a fantastic one that is). And I looked above, and I see people staring down, killing time, probably looking at the Xmas tree too. And there, one floor above me (or was it two?) a couple was figthing. The girl staring at the Xmas tree idly, while it was the BF who was acting like a monkey, with arms flailing around, and heads wobbling left and right. Couldnt hear the dialogue though, since they were too far above me, and yeah they were Indians, if i could listen also, i wouldn't understand the issue. The fighting scene ended with the girl leaving in tears. And didn't really know where the boy went though, but i ended up humming this song. This beautiful legendary Rod Stewart's song. As I myself once felt the same feelings the girl felt. Confused, heart-broken and sad. Sit deep in thoughts and feel your sadness then.

I can tell by your eyes that you've prob'bly been cryin' forever
eyes never lie
And the stars in the sky don't mean nothing ' to you, they're a mirror
a mirror that reflects your sadness
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart
after i tried staying strong
If I stay here just a little bit longer
and not go away
If I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whooa, heart?
would you?
If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the colour of my heart?
or will i stand with open scars?
Blue for tears, black for the night's fears
Red for my bleedings, and all the cuts that i take
The star in the sky don't mean nothin' to you they're a mirror
A mirror of sorrow
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart
cracked and shattered
If I stay here just a little bit longer
patiently
If I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whooa, heart?
would you hear my silent sadness?
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke this ol' heart
let me be alone

If I stay here just a little bit longer
would you be there?
if I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whooa heart?
would you shade my tears?
My heart, whooa, heart.
that only beats for you

How Hurtful Can It Be Tomorrow?

2006-12-19T19:33:00.000+08:00

Today you say you love me, tomorrow you'll say words of hate

Today you make me happy, tomorrow you'll show me what sadness is

Today you say you wanna marry, tomorrow you'll say "are you kidding me?"

Today you say we'll be together, tomorrow you'll say "let me go further"

Today you say i'm everything, tomorrow you'll make me feel that i am nothing

Today you fly me to heaven, tomorrow you'll plunge me down to hell

Today you made me feel glad, tomorrow you'll made me feel bad

Today you say you adore me, tomorrow you'll say "please let me be free"

Today you make me smile, tomorrow I'll have tears in my eyes

Today you heal me from being sick, tomorrow you'll again make me weak

Today you fill me with joy, tomorrow sorrow is my toy

Today we walk hand-in hand, tomorrow you walk past me by like you don't give damn

Today i see my life is new, tomorrow you'll make me feel blue

Today you kiss me and want me to stay, tomorrow you'll say "Please stay away!"

Today you say I'm so strong, tomorrow you'll say i got it all wrong

Today you say I'm perfect, tomorrow you'll throw me away like a defect

Today you say we are soulmates, tomorrow what you've said was just fake

Today your hug was warm, tomorrow your stare will be ice-cold storm

Today you show me heaven's way, tomorrow it's my heart that you slyly slay

Today you give me hope, tomorrow you'll show me I am a dope

Today you say I'm full of grace, tomorrow you'll say "Please, I need some space"

Today you give me wings to fly, tomorrow you'll coldly see me fall and cry

Today you fill my life with laughter, tomorrow it's the same life you shatter

Today you say forever to our relationship, tomorrow you'll say I'm just a black sheep

Today you accept me as I am, tomorrow you want me to change me all over again

Today we love and flirt, tomorrow you'll treat me like dirt

Today you got me all excited, tomorrow you got me all fed-up and tired

Today you say I'm the sweetest baby, tomorrow you'll treat me maliciously

But I am still the foolish me, loving you no matter what will be

So tell me, how hurtful can it be?

For tomorrow you are still you without me,

but I'm fragile and weak without you, can't you see?

Andri Ghazali
1983 - present

tensi

2006-12-18T16:31:00.000+08:00

tension..when u write so much for half a day..suddenly theres a bloody alert saying your HTML is not accepted and you can't publish what you wrote..&$#@^$*(#)!!!

Of Malay's Kemelayuan (continued)

2006-12-18T14:41:00.000+08:00

Have we fallen to the state of becoming more complacent by the day? Stories of the working ethics of the government workers have become more and more disturbing so they say..they punch in their punch cards on time (at 9) and half and hour later can be found drinking teh tariks and roti canais at the mamak stalls nearby. Is it because they felt their job-security is so secured? that they need not to perform? Need not to pour hours and hours in the office till late at night to get things done? to empty the 'in' box to the 'out' box? need not to work as hard as their peers in the private sector? And yes most of the working class in the government sector is dominated by the Malays. I know a few who went out to lunch right on time - at 12.30 and only appear visible on his table back at 3.

What about service then? things got better when government offices are centralized in Putrajaya..thanks to Dr. Mahathir's brainchild (that got bambooed in the 1st place for coming up with such revolutionary ideas). But still, when you call for inquiries etc, familiar with the feeling of being told to wait and then being passed around and around from one person to another, for hours and hours, as if the telephone service in this country is free? that still happens in most of our govt offices today, despite their nicely set-up with nice marbles and new furnitures offices. And what still lingers today is the Malay attitude of only wanting to serve who they think of having high position and importance. Prejudice - easy to say. You get more attention if you clad yourself with batiks or coat with nice silk shiny neck-ties. It still happens in most govt hospitals today..Hospital of all the places for god's sake~bile then Melayu nak mengembang?

What about our university students then? IPTA that consists mostly of Malays? Screaming headlines of Malay girls being picked up in black-tinted cars during the weekends doing whatever-it-is they do in non-mainstream newspapers..Screaming headlines of Malay male being mat rempit terorrizing the streets during the nights. So much of harapan bangsa. Ever spent some time in one of those PS? No, i'm not talking bout the playstation, but the pusat serenti instead. Who then conquers the serentis if its not the Malays. And the sad part is, the dealers are mostly Malay too. I once, was offered ganja a few years back, and the opportunity to make big bucks by becoming a drug ealer myself a few years back. That's what Malays are all about, only interested in making fast cash, - despite right or wrong. Oh yeah, not to mention, how most of us are more interested in easier escapades by seeking drugs, rather than properly solve the -kononnyer masalah negara - you only have constant-fighting parents, and you claim that's a BIG problem - and there you go with your tuned-up bike going out during the night..seeking peace (kononnyer)..then hang out at your friend's place who offers you marijuana and syaboo, friends who acts as if they are concerned and offer you drugs to forget your problems away. You may forget the problems for awhile while getting high, but yet its still there. And the worst part is, you cant forget the drugs away. A few months later, you got watched by the cops, and heyyy presto, the next thing you know, you're already having your stale lunch in on of Malaysia's Pusat Serenti outlets.

And so ends the tertiary education that promises you a good life. And so crash the high hope your parents they have in you. And so ends another country asset. And you live day by day regretting the mistakes you made. With a shaved head you go out to seek employment, and you get rejected, and you blame the society, then off you go again the same cycle of seeking drugs as a release and the same stale meal will end up in your menu again, being a constant customer to the Serenti outlet. And then, you waste your life growing old, with nothing accomplished in life..sitting for hours looking back through time of what could have beens, of what you could have become..wishing if you could turn back time, and relive your youth all over again..but helpless and in deep regret you are till the day death greets you.. ahh, such a disturbing plague that still exists within us the Malays.

Of Malay's Kemelayuan (bila nak mengembang?)

2006-12-15T11:27:00.000+08:00

Tempted to write such article a long long time ago..but never did..would it be radical? would i be; what people label as - another poyo Malay who doesn't appreciate his root, culture, ancestry, perasan mat saleh, too poisoned with the Westerners mind..or whatever..this is my damn blog, my damn bloody mind, my damn bloody thoughts, my damn bloody hands, and Azeem's PC..so i may write what i please..and i dont give a rat's ass what you people think of it too..so boo me and piss off.

I have read somewhere (can't remember) that once, J.W.W Birch, the British resident of Perak during the colonial times, wrote in his diaries (or was it his report?) how he described the Malay after some observation. He wrote that the Malays loves picnic, entertainment, relaxing. A race of politeness but alse regarded as lazy. But then again, Birch was known for his high-headedness during that time. No wonder he ended up dead murdered. That was long ago. Back then, Sultans played big roles in administration before being stripped of such powers slowly by deceit and force by the British Residents. Back then, Malays were reformed under one unity. Back then, Malays were different.

I'm not writing here to create racial polarization or differentiation or seperation whatsoever. I write this because I am born a Malay and shall die a Malay, stuck in the Malay's ways of culture and life. Whoever did came with the name melayu i think, was kinda stupid though since layu is assosiciated with being low, lifeless, pessimism etc. Do you think the Malays are rich in culture? tradition? sophisticated? In line with other races in Malaysia? or the world? If so..would it be the Malays of the past? present? or future? Does Malay even have a future? (oh such provoking questions)..Ever think of what life would be if the Malays are the minorities instead of being the political majorities in Malaysia? Would it be as similar as Singaporean Malays?

Ever seen a Malay kedai makan besides a street? Serving you the average nasik this and nasik that, beverages, open-air seatings with tv (now plasma screens mostly woho) with wrestlings on..then after a few weeks, words spread that the restaurant - lets name it Mak Usu tomyam - serve good mouth-watering dishes, cheap, kedai makan that you worship and stay devoted. After awhile, Mak Usu will have a big crowd of customers to attend to, business seems to bloom, Mak Usu maybe starting to think of new zinc-expansion of the restaurant, maybe a few more cooks and waiters, new menus, a bigger fridge, new ABC corner, ASTRO etc etc.the next thing you know, by next week, a NEW kedai makan got erected just a few monkey steps (sekangkang kera actually haha) from Mak Usu's now legendary restaurant.

Another tomyam restaurant goes by the name MakZah or whatever that is..unexpected neighbour for Mak Usu..unexpected rivalry..Rivalry became fiercer and fiercer..if mak Usu has a flat screen TV, Mak Zah got a plasma screen..if nasik goreng from one side is 3 bux, the other will plunge market sale by 2.50..play dirty by releasing hush hush words "Mak Usu's kitchen brings new higher meanings to filth, Mak Usu this, Mak Usu that" the usual backstabbing dialogues..then go to bomoh/witch curse voodoo spells and black magic and shyt..scary huh? To such extend people are willing to go..and usually the neighbour to neighbour thingy goes only synonim to Malays though..havent heard yet the Chinese or Indians do such things..let alone the Kadazan and their peaceful rumah panjangs. So Melayu bile nak mengembang?

Look how supportive the Chinese are within their community..One new shop opens, the owner celebrate it by inviting everyone - the neighbouring shop owners, businessmen, etc. to this one big grand hall, with hundreds of tables, serving good food, drinks, karaoke-ing through the night, amking sure that it's a grand night, making sure he has a grand opening for his new restaurant..look at the Lion's club..how they poll money toghether and such for the benefit of schools etc. Oh now, i'm pro Chinese? anti-Malay? whatever..haha

to be continued if feel like doin so - for now lapar cam haram - au revoir

The proud Malaysian movie industry

2006-12-13T23:45:00.000+08:00

Decided to take a break from writing : my story (part III) for awhile..its halfway done tho..but for now what i wanna do is really get my mind out from the freakish scary memories of chemo's and radiotherapies and stupor and bla bla bla..Spent half a day today reading John Grisham's the Testament. Tryin to finish the damn book for the past 2 months but then again it was challenging for me in doing so as i was in and out of the Hospital and all and all..

Then spent another half of my day Wikipedia reading..of amazing writers and how deep the length they went, how detailed their work they wrote.. read about Star Wars' Executive Order 66 and the Jedi members that perished in the famous Great Jedi Purge..kinda interesting how detailed and how deep the galaxy George Lucas invented..like how Tolkien did in his world of Lord of the Rings and detailed explanations of everything in his earlier book The Hobbit..how the mighty Sauron was just a servant for the true dark lord Morgoth..the true origins of Orcs.. also read of how J.K Rowling made it BIG in the literature industry, coming out of poverty and a miserable divorce (haha the most recognised loser in the world he must be, the ex-husband) to become the richest writer ever..

now also have i spawned into myself a daily habit of reading Yasmin Ahmad's blog (yes the Sepet director) Interesting, informative from a director that never fails to attract controversies..the thing is about her (in my opinion that is) is that there's nothing wrong or controversial or radical messages or seperatists influence or whatever the critics say in her..it's the critics that i found wrong in our movie industry..its the critics that i found to be so lame..so conventional traditional old skool boring..the cencorship department in Perfileman Negara or whoever its is..thank you for being responsible in making sure the movie industry here terbantut forever and ever

You have Sepet and you go screwing it up..saying it potrays false this and false that..rising the issues of inter-racial stuff..helloooo..don't you notice that we live in a variety of race here?? ever heard the words "love is blind?" Malaysians today have step forward out of conventional thinking of - love is restricted to your own race kinda thing - and become bolder and wiser. You have unique Chindians here and there, Malays holding hands with Chinese, Indians holding hands with Malays, and now even Banglas, Pakistanis, Indos are also in the race.. Such issues were already there even since the Sepet movie..and only Yasmin was brave enough to put it in the media..to put it in our attention..to state that we Malaysians are open-minded..

Ohh but noo..you cannot see such radical movie flourish..such important message that Yasmin wanted to deliver you see it with half-closed eyes..and go give positive reviews to Gerak Khas : The Movie or all the bloody Sembilu movies..Cinta Kolestrol? Just because it was the bloody 1st fat suit in Malaysia you made BIG and IMPRESSIVE comments..and give dark reviews of Sepet, a movie that touches racial issues, issues that we know exist but never want to admit freely..commenting the movie to be provocative and went over the line..LAME comments to a DARING movie..go back to America 1900's then..then you'll know what race really means..

Song of The Week : The Perishers - There's Nothing Like You And I

2006-12-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

Due to some recommendations, I am already starting to spawn a little interest in the band The Perishers. It's kinda soothing and all type of music makes you go daydreaming in front of the pc. Nice music. Nice band. Nice lyrics. Readers that really have no clue of what to do on their 1st date have this lyrics as a summary of the idiots guide to love (i think) . So enjoy..

We spent some time
together walking
Spent some time just talking
about who we were
You held my hand so
very tightly
And told me what we
could be dreaming of

There's nothing like you and I

We spent some time
together drinking
Spent some time just thinking
about days of joy
As our hearts started
beating faster
I recalled your laughter
from long ago

There's nothing like you and I

We spent some time
together crying
Spent some time just trying
to let each other go
I held your hand so
very tightly
And told you what i would be
dreaming of

There's nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?
There's nothing like you and I

untitled

2006-12-01T14:32:00.000+08:00

if i could cry the pain away

or shout out loud just to numb it i would

the pain of a cold knife piercing through your bloodveins with every heartbeat that goes

how i bite my lips just to stay sane

how i clenched my fists and gritted my teeth

how i close my eyes shut just to imagine i'm on a pearly-white sandy beach

the twitching and shivering

the heat inside and the coldness outside

if i have to go through all these to repay my sins overdue

then every jolt of pain is worth it

andri ghazali
1983 - present

the song of the week : Blue October - Hate Me

2006-11-12T17:56:00.000+08:00

This is baby's and my favourite song of the week..for couples who fight a lot, for couples who need some time off, couples needing a little peace, couples heading for seperation..think twice and read the lyrics and sing your little miserable sad heart out..its not wrong to cry..to shout..to feel angry, sad and frustrated..take some time for peace and wise thinking..enjoy the song luvs!~

I have to block out thoughts of you so I dont lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my head
Dropping little reels of tape to remindthat i'm alone
playing movies in my head head that make a porno feel like home
there's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in in my brain
an ounce of peace is all i want for you. will you never call again?
and will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
and will you never try to reach me? it is i who wanted space

hate me today
hate me tomorrow
hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

i'm sober now for 3 whole months its an accomplishment that u helped me with
the 1 thing that always tore us apartis the one thingi wont touch again
in my sick way i want to thank you for holding my head late up at nite
you never doubted my warped opinions on things like sucidal hate
you made me compliment myself whenit was way hard to take
so i'll drive so fuc*ing far away that i never cross your mind
and do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

hate me today
hate me tomorrow
hate me for all the things i didnt do for you

hate me in ways
yeah ways hard to swallow
hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

and with a sad heart i say bye to you and wave
kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that i had made
and like a baby boy i never was a man
until i saw your blue eyes cry and i held your face in my hand
and then i fell down yelling "make it go away!"
just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
and then she whispered "how can you do this to me?"

i think this is among the best song that expresses how hard seperation and sacrifeces are..so any of u who have this song, just push play and sing this song out while reading my useless blog here occay?

the love song of the week : Smashing Pumpkins - Shame

2006-08-23T03:15:00.000+08:00

I was humming this one whole day when went out with you (hey you) you wore one nice gothic dark brown dress while im like usuall elegant black of beauty goth..went to all the places in the world today..went to OU for a kingly lunch of again secret recipe..doing a big business with em...secret..tell no tale emo-gothika! aah its again a wonderful day...you again wonderful beautiful as the sky..i pressedmyself to the glass wanting you...this is for people madly in love nation...its a sweet love song..easy to play with guitar too..God must be crazy to match the beauty of you with my gothicity..i'll promise to change to a white neutral goth now..angels...you sent me back all the way to cyberia..oh nice.. oh kind...oh love... how tired i am..i still write at least one devoted for you nazie baby...gut nite n let the angels play their harps while you dream away,....love you youuu..enjoy this song and find it to download...later i'll pass it or hare it as it's a hard song to find..among the hardest to find yet the best there is...enjoy people the meaning of love smashing pumpkin's lovely gothic way...~

You're gonna walk on home

You're gonna walk alone

You're gonaa see this through

Don't let them get to you

Sh sh sh sh shame (x2)

Love is good and love is kind

love is drunk and love is mine

Love is good and love is mine

Love is drunk all the time

Sh sh sh sh sh shame (x2)

You're gonna walk on home

You're gonna walk alone

You're gonna walk so far

You're gonna wonder who you are

Sh sh sh sh sh shame (x2)

Shame shame

Love is good and love is kind

Love is good and love is blind

Love is good and love is mine

Love is good all the time

Hello, goodbye, you know you made us cry (x)

if i were to love you...

2006-08-21T15:50:00.000+08:00

if i were to love you

i would love you dearly

i would love you shyly

i would love you gothly

i would love you darkly

i would love you silently

i would love u promisingly

i would love you like never human has done before

let the sun stop and the ocean stops from the shore

like dolphins and their swimming

like trees and their silent humming

like the arrangement of roses' petal

would my love to you as complex as it can be

i can make it as simple as a baby

if you want to

for you i will

let me shade your pain

let me dry you tears

let me make you smile

let me let you live

as i cant face life without you

it would be a possible life

but i prefer death than living without you

gou gave me wings to make me fly

if its broken you mend it for awhile

i wont know the word lonely

as you bring with you deep summer breeze

you are as white as the winter

and as hot as the summer

but when autumn comes

you shine the most

angels sing your name when you come

god perfected you

in a way ony He knows

you bring the attraction none has

to every single human being on this wretched place

yet as wretched as the earth can be

you are her saviour, i'm just the hero wannabe

flowers utters your name

bees know you by heart

birds fall from the sky for you

i wish i could do that too

i wont say what i will do to make you stay

as you are my queen do as you please

go as you may come as you please

this happy heart of mine are opened for your breeze

if i ever done you wrong

wanna let you know

that i am just a small boy

with his foolishness and a candy

just wish to see his girl of dream

and hold her hands while eating ice cream

if i were to love you

end my life when i end loyalty

xoxoxo

(love u baby)

andri ghazali
1983 - present

Song of the Week : Smashing Pumpkins - Stand Inside Your Love

2006-08-20T11:26:00.000+08:00

every word per word..line per line..every guitar scream and drum knox..every chorus and bridge of this song..i sing it for you..nazi(you) hail Hitler! for readers..this is my favourite favourite favourite disbanded band..once consisted of Billy Corgan, James Iha, and the pretty Darcy (drummer often changed),they are superb... enjoy the lyrics and the song, the vid clip is also kudos!

You and me
Meant to be
Immutable
Impossible

It's destiny
Pure lunacy
Incalcuble
Insufferable

But for the last time
You're everything that i want and ask for
You're all that i dreamed

Who wouldnt be the one you love?
who wouldnt stand inside your love?

Protected and the lover of
A pure soul and beautiful..you
Dont understand
Dont feel me now
I will breathe
For the both of us

Travel the world
Travel the skies
Your home is here
Within my heart

And for the first time
I feel as though i am reborn
in my mind
Recast as child and mystic sage

Who wouldnt be the one you love?
Who wouldnt stand inside your love

And for the first time
I'm telling you how much i need and bleed for
Your every move and waking sound
In my time
I'll wrap a wire around your heaart and your mind
You're mine forever now

Who wouldnt be the one you love and live for?
who wouldnt stand inside your love and die for?
who wouldnt be the one you love?

nice song..i want to be the one you love..desperately.. ;)

Damien Rice's superb Blower's Daughter song and guitar tabs/chords/whatever

2006-08-19T02:27:00.000+08:00

and so it is jreng jreng jreng
just like u said..it woouuuuuld be
jreng reng jreng..

nice song kudos lyrics
learn and live!

news news..aah..news

2006-08-17T12:30:00.000+08:00

What news is revolving around me today? around u..us? What news does the world bring? News by the way stands for North East West South...here i am alone..and i like being alone here..expressing my slef with this piece of plastic that we call as keyboard...

Yesterday i went to GHKL doing the sick dungeon-torture simulation of radiotheraphy..its not the real radioblast thing yet..its just they put a hot net at your face to catch the image of your face in plastic net mode..kinda like mission impossible kinda thing you know..i had to lie down (which hurts) for 1 and a half hour for the simulation..in the very nearly end (i don't know to trust the mo or not when he said "sikit je lagi bang pastuh siap") i wave my hands signalling giving up to endure such torture... i gave up..aargghh hated myself for being such a weakling...such a weakly earthling... but i can endure no more such unspeakable pain..my lungs are half-collapsed, i am suffering from coughing and yet i was told to put off my shirt in an air-conditioned room..nice treat to the chest eaa??..soo i decided thaaats it!!!!..waved to the medical officers..told em we do it next week coz i don't feel good..

later then went to Maju Junction..first time..first trip of me goin there..a few nice shoppes..so windoshop for a while..to look for a Celcom shop for simcard recovery was the main quest - simcard recovery..yet again i faillll..no there's no celcom..but maxis shop is around here..the answer i get when i went to see the information lady at her fancy woody booth..so in the rain waited for papa to pick me up and off we went to Carrefour

does it interest you that Carrefour means crossroads? simpang ammpatt..it symbolizes that every crossroad you go, sure there'll be Carrefour there..hmm..i love the Carrefour symbol tho..the logo..it reflects simplicity yet brings out the French flag in it..with the letter C...ahh human mind such great creativity and power God gives us.

while waiting i read the paper..yesterday's news~ Israel yet again broke the 1701 ruling, still goin to war...Israel wants to conquer Lebanon until the Kina or something river (i cant't remember the river name sorry).hizbullah rules..Blair is being blamed for the terorist activities..his support for Israel and US loses 6 of his Labor party wingmen's heart...an open letter being sent to him to do something about the Lebanon-Israel war or axpect more terorist activities..those 6 men of Blair actually signed the letter..aah Blair is losing power..so does Bush...our primo ministro? He looked kinda fat..he gained weight..in his pix in UTUSAN yesterday..yes..Malaysia produces the first SUV that uses petrol of = 50% petrol - 50% water.. hydroxene whatever tech..first in the world i think..the LMG cars that uses water as petrol (is it LMG or LFG? absolutely not the LMF the lazy motherfuckers Hong Kong rap group) the dude invented it gonna be soo filthy rich!! in NST it was said doctors are gonna do some BIG protests all over the country..GP mostly are told by the government to pay RM 1500 for registration and need to do some renovations at their clinics..hmm..what are u up to health ministry?? need money iszzzziit?? In metro and utusan and BH i think all screamed about Siti's not the fault that Datuk K divorced with her wifre..which i will never discuss in my blog here.. Then Our 2nd Man najib warns people to shut off the Dr M versus Pak Lah talk of Tambak Johor cancellation issues with Singapore whatsoever...aah..peaceful Malaysia? that revolves around the world today..and i don't give a damn..im off to my 5/6 hours French learning..soo au revoir and take care beloved readers!~~

Amoretti (from the sequence of The Faerie Queene)

2006-08-17T12:11:00.000+08:00

this poem mostly shows how Spenser uses the Sonnets or little songs in his poem..nice poem..beautiful expressions..peruse peruse

Amoretti

My love is like to ice, and I to fire
How comes it then that this her cold so great
Is not dissolved through my so hot desire
But harder grows the moreI her entreat?
Or how comes it that my exceeding heat
is not delayed by her heart-frozen cold
But that i burn much more i boiling sweat
And feel my flames augmented manifold?
What more miraculous thing may be told
That fire, which all thing melts, should harden ice
And ice, which is congealed with sensless cold
Should kindle fire by wonderful device?
Such is the power of love in gentle mind
That it can alter all the course of kind

Edmund Spenser
(1552 - 1599)

I (adjective?)

2006-08-15T12:28:00.000+08:00

another poem from the mental ward

I (adjective?)

I study people
From the bustling urban city
From the dark mysterious cave
I study their manner
I study how they behave

I see people
Dead or alive
In the shady graveyards
On the streets with lamp posts nearby

Both want acknowledgements
One wants power
The other wants peace
With the world hereafter

I see, I study, I observe, I ponder
How God made the galaxy is a wonder
With flying flags of truth shall we
go forward with murderous thunder

I am who I am
am I?
Are we who we are
are we?
I am who am I?

Andri Ghazali
1983 - present

i wanna go

2006-08-14T11:21:00.000+08:00

i wanna go and study business studies in one of these places

The Song of the Week : Juliet the Orange - Quizzical

2006-08-14T10:43:00.000+08:00

This is regarding to my 'The girl of my dream post' haha..to any chix..such honesty as potrayed in the song is what every guy (i think la) is looking for...go figure! and yes..its not the 'song of the day' anymore..it has become 'week' now..too many cool songs to listen to anyhow and we only have 7 days and i can only online once in 2 days..soo do the maths..peruse the beautiful-cute-confession of a girl turned into lyrics! The song is sooo nice..if you havent listen to it then go download/buy the cd!!

Quizzical

I don't even comb my hair
When i wake up in the morning
I've always been like that
My clothes are on the floor
And I just don't have the time to put them back
La-di-da-da-da
La-di-da-da-da

Is this what you truly want for a girlfriend
Or am I just someone you find
pretty cute for a good time?
Don't go breaking my heart
I think very deeply
and i hold very dearly from the start

So why fo you still love me, ooh o-oh (2x)

I'm so useless in the kitchen
and my cuisine is lousy
it makes u want to curl
my toes are awfully huge
and i am not just the stuff that makes a girl
La-dida-da-da(2x)

Pardon me...i'm quizzical
Pardon me but i'm quizzical

I don't even call you baby
'cause that's what i call my dog
It would have sounded funny and so strage
Don't expect me to be crawling over you
For maybe i am just a poor unromantic

So why do you still love me?,hmm-oh-ohh

The Deafening Silence

2006-08-14T10:14:00.000+08:00

this was one of the few poems that i wrote during my 'insanity' stay at the mental ward

The Deafening Silence

The Deafening Silence
Keeps me awake
during the night
For the purplish Dawn I shall wait

The Morning Dawn
with flying birds chirping away
beez humming which flower to stay
The Sunshine keeps me warm and sane

Evening light
The now-appearing stars shine bright
Moon shyly takes its place
Replacing Sun the Might

Then again I shall wait
For the things that keeps me awake
during the Starry night so bright
The long Deafening Silence

The Deafening Silence
shall keep me awake
till my soul decide
to rest in peace

Andri Ghazali
1983 - present

the girl of my dream

2006-08-12T15:05:00.000+08:00

Oih kurvi tasch amaih! It has already been nearly 3 months i am single and happy mappy..didnt even mentioned about lovey dovey (except 4 sade's song) for about 3 months..still single and available..do i want to stay available?? dunno ..sometimes do feel lonley..but then i occupy myself with this lowly blog of mine, some artwork, some poetry writings (yes i do write poems since after the mental ward incident), some french learning..tell me when shall i feel lonley then? when at night..when my eyes are heavy..i always dream the girl of my dream..so who is the girl of my dream?? (Paula Malai Ali been taken already..cannot lah)

the girls of my dream...first ly must be a happy and jovial chick laa! i really dont care (ok i do) if you are hot or not..but must have a very very very very awesome personality..the girl that i can joke about reader's digest's laughter the best medicine, the girl i can talk about the beauty of Shakepseare's SOnnet's or the difference between the lustrious BAch's Air or Air with G-string..or talk about what Pollock was trying to express in his artworks..u knoee..talk bout sport...mein kemph Adolf hitler's original propaganda..Sun tze (hmmm) etc etc..= she has to be smart..not hollowly and shallowly blonde (pretty but pretty dumb type)..she also have to ave this urge to talk with me in english 24/7..then maybe a lil deutsch or francais..the more the more complex we are the more i like..cooking? up to you lahh.. can learn one...religion..numero uno!!!!Solat u dont have to be reminded lah!a big gal already what! can stand my micker mocker pitty pottery mouth..can see and understand a cancer patient's view of life, world and death and afterlife..So you want to talk about stilettos and blouses and perfumes..fine by me..just dont go every 5 minutes.."AWAK SAYE GEMOK KE?" kinda shit..pisses me off..when go window shopping? its 50-50..i'll see the thingys you like and u haftra see mine..better still if u are a good makeup artist since i am a goth kid...well that's about it my RAMPAI IKLAN mencari cinta.. if ever..im not that desperate..we are still so young..lemme see the world..adios..g2g to KL now..adios luvs

2006-07-13T05:34:00.000+08:00

Zidane Materazzi incident resolved by BBC lip readers

you itallian FUCK!!!!!!!! disgrace to football..takeback the WC! kill Matterazi..kudos Zidane!

how does it feel?

2006-07-11T06:21:00.000+08:00

how does it feel
to be left alone
standing in the rain
cold to the bones?

how does it feel
to be left scattered
your souls no longer worth
the believe of others?

how does it feel
to be left wronged
know you're so right
scream during the night?

how does it feel
every step that you take
would be the biggest
meanest mistake?

how does it feel
every word you utter
fell on deaf ears
melt like butter?

how does it feel
every breath you muster
leaves you in pain
others see you as disaster?

how does it feel
when you needed
the world most
you're left cold unheeded?

how does it feel
when you're tryin
your vey best
you end up cryin?

how does it feel
when you think healthy
you are told
to remember that you are sick?

how does it feel
when you are accused
yet no freedom
for you to speak?

how does it feel
you try to act
your age they view
you as wastage?

how does it feel
everytime you speak
you are told
being cynically smart?

how does it feel
you write for fun
you are told
that you're playing dumb?

how does it feel
everytime you cry
those pearly tears
will freeze or dry?

how does it feel
everytime you pray
you knoe only God
trusts your say?

how does it feel
the people you love
would believe others first
your words are cooked in stove?

how does it feel
you have a warm home
but for now
why is it so kold?

how does it feel
the ones you loved
are the ones
making u wanna go away?

how does it feel
to feel the white sand
to feel the cool breeze
somewhere far?

how does it fell
when someday
ill be gone for good
without saying goodbye?

how does it feel
when people stare
and point at you
yet do nothin coz you dare?

how does it feel
to feel a sting
in your heart
when you read this?

good..coz it WAS meant for you..you DISCRIMINATING PREJUDICE FUCK!

Andri Ghazali 1983 - present

fifth vertical poetry #27

2006-07-08T13:24:00.000+08:00

The faces that you've abandoned
have remained under your face
and sometimes they bulge out
as though your skin cannot contain them all

The hands that you've abandoned
swell up sometimes in your hand
and absorb things or releasethem like growing sponges

The lives that you have abandoned
survive you in your shadow
and on one day they will storm you like a life
to die perhaps once alone

Roberto Juarroz
translated by W.S Merwin

kinda freaky? know more about the poet and his freaky poem

music appreciation Song of the Day - by your Side by Sade

2006-07-05T10:01:00.000+08:00

Hola peeopple !!! It's nice to breath in the fresh air-conditoned + Raub flavoured + baju2 dari spital yg tak basuh lagi bau cam harem - airrr!! it's good to be back lah~ I've finished this blog earlier before the ER-being-warded-into-hospital incident tho. But now coming back from HKL, i've seen (and been thinking bout) the things that has happened for the past one year (has it really been that loong?) Heck its a new month, new faces, ol' friends, new topics, new bags, new books, new shoes, new me, i love the new me :) It's goin to be one hectic month i think with me goin on n off the hospital, (which means on and off seeing you lol)~

For the lovey doveys who's mad in love, for one who just discovered how sweet love can be, for people who gave up hope on love. For poets who's in search of the true poetical meaning of love. This is the ultimate love song (in my humble opinion). I'm not sure if its already too soon for me to mention about love as i myself am still lookin for the perfect precise definition of the big L word (yeah lust to some of you Pervert Perverssons), but i can only think of this song as the perfect explanation for all the special feelings love brings to our heart - warmth, hope, affection, attraction, honesty, endearment, the flying without wings kinda feeling ;) . For the broken hearted, never give up on love, as quoted byHenry David Thoreau - "There is no remedy for love but to love more". Soo, gratify your heart with this beautiful lyrics, indulge your soul in the melodious sounds of Sade's sultry voice, and be lost in its soothing music. (till i knoe how to tepek some mp3 here for downloading, download the mp3 on ur own lah!)

You think I'd leave your side baby
never would i do such a thing
You know me better than that
"And end life when i end loyalty" - Willy Shakespeare
You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees
I'd give up my life to get you up on your feet again dear
I wouldnt do that
never would i let you down
I'll tell you you the right when you're wrong
"love means not ever having to say you're sorry" - Erich Segal
Haaaaa Haa Ouhh Oh Ouhhh
haiyook what to write
And if only you could see into me
Oh please see into me with your pretty brown hazelnut, ever-warming eyes *sigh*

Oh when you're cold
just tell me
I'll be there
with a cup o' steaming tea and a warm smile
Hold you tight to me
oh let your cold forever be :)

When you're on the outside baby and you can't get in
never shall i let that happen
I will show you, you're so much better than you know
you are and you always will be
When you're lost and you're alone and you can't get back again
in your darkest hours
I will find you darling and I will bring you home
I will be your saviour

And if you want to cry
my shoulders are here for you
I am here to dry your eyes
and make you smile
and in no time
in a blink of an eye
you'll be fine
with the sweetest smile

You think I'd leave your side baby
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees
I wouldn't do that
I'll tell you you're right when your wrong
Haaaa Ha Haaa ouh Oh Oh
And if only you could see into me
worth typing it all over again

Oh when you're low
and moody and sad and in despair
i'll be there
i'll always be
by your side baby
by your side baby

cancer calls

2006-06-28T11:25:00.000+08:00

have to stay at the hospital for chemotherapy...maybe a couple of days..maybe more.
..(26/6 until 3/7)2006
..katil 29,ward 26,GHKL.

A very interesting insight of blogging from an experienced bloggerr

2006-06-25T08:21:00.001+08:00

maybe you should start one now, click on the google ads on my blog (topside) my friendly readers n join the blog phenomenon!

Tan Mun Loong 1989 - 2006

2006-06-24T15:48:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday 22nd June i had to go to a Lymphoma Support group meeting happening at the Haemato Clinic. On the way there from Pekeliling road (yes by bus i went there)
towards HKL, bought breakfast six toses and six nasik lemaks and six what i dunno bulat2nyer malay kuihs wrapping in banana leaves. I was fasting so i didnt open the kuihs to see what are they made of. Walk myself up to ward 26. And gave all the breakfast to 6 beds of Haemato department. 2 beds were empty so the lebihan then only gave to doctor Diana (yearggh rockk doctor rock) and nurses (Kak Rubina lambat i wanted to meet u and ask u out to lunch at BB)

Then went back to see the patients. One is an abang i still couldnt get the name but he's been staying there for a month now already. Then there's an indian husband wife took the toses..and a kid and his father took a nasik lemak and a tose. But i gave specially both nasik lemak and tose to a special friend of mine. I get to know him last February, though only brief, our relationship was very meaningful in a special cancer-patients-only-can-understand- sort of way you know?) He was sleeping at that time. Then woke him up and we chatted for awhile mostly about our own development on treatment. Gave him that day's Utusan front page screaming headline was about UPM found cancer cure in tapioca's own-made poison. I told him my treatment got delayed, he told me he'll be out this Friday. Tan Mun Loong is the name. He's suffering from Acute lymphobastic lymphoma i think..not quite sure. But what matters is that he was there when i was sick and suffering from severe hallucination and mental slowness. He's there making sure i didnt inflict cuts pain damage whatsover on myself (of course i didnt.what i basically do was sit there and stare blankly at nobody/everybody and peed on the bed and eat/drink when given only) He was there always asking me how am i?how i feel etc.. concerned 24 hours despite his sickness. despite his weakness. despite his thinness. despite his paleness.despite his baldness. He was there guarding me there with all his might.

And today i received an sms delivering the grave news of Tan Mun Loongs started his journey to the other side today, leaving us as God loves him more. I can't help my self from shading tears while writing this post Tan. I have shaved my head today in your rememberance and shall mourn over your loss. May you rest in peace and may angels look after you as well as you did to me, you bertindik-black earings-hair-baru-nak-tumbuh-sudah-jadik-rockers-you. Al- Fatihah and a moment of silence to Tan Mun Long, a cancer sufferer, a fighter and an everlasting friend.(1989 - 24/6/2006)

music appreciation Soundtrack of the Day - this is your life by The Dust Brothers (Fight Club OST)

2006-06-24T10:29:00.001+08:00

For cancer patients, for the broken hearted, for the frustrated, for fight club enthusiasts, listen to this dust brothers production of Fight Club soundtrack. It helps a lot. Nothing to explain as the script by Mr Chuck Palahniuk himself is an explanation of life.God speed.

..And you open the door and you
step inside. We're inside our
hearts. Now, imagine your pain as a
white ball of healing light. That's
right, it's your pain the pain itself is a ball of
healing light.

i don't think so

This is your life
Good to the last drop
doesn't get any better than this

This is your
life, and it's ending one minute at
a time.

This isn't a seminar
This is no weekend retreat
Where you are now
You can't even imagine what the bottom will be like
Only after disaster can we be resurrected
It's only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything

Nothing is static
Everything is evolving
Everything is falling apart
This is your life
It doesn't get any better than this
This is your life
And its ending one minute at a time

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else
We are all part of the same compost heap
We are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world

You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet

You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grand latte?
You are not the car you drive
You are not your fucking khakis?

You have to give up
You have to give up
You have to realise that someday you will die
Until you know that, you are useless.

I say let me be never complete
I say may I never be content
I say deliver me from Swedish furniture
I say deliver me from clever art
I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth

I say you have to give up
I say evolve and let the chips fall where they may
This is your life

Doesn't get any better than this
This is your life
And its ending one minute at a time

You have to give up
You have to give up
(I want you to hit me as hard as you can)
Welcome to Fight Club
If this is your first night, you have to fight.

music appreciation Song of the Day - i'm still here by Vertical Horizon

2006-06-23T10:14:00.000+08:00

Jehan Fauzee (MATA) asked me one day: What if one day..your ex came crying begging to come back. Promise to change etc. Would you accept her with open arms? (30 markah). Sometimes, I can't find words to express all the things i feel inside. But every just so often...the words of another who's had the first cut (which is the deepest) seem to work out fine. So this is my 30 marks answer to your cepumas Q the other day...

I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
we were already heading towards break, ive asked u once a year ago, you didnt want to
It just took time for me to understand
that u were never meant fo me
You gave me words I just can't say
all those mencarut2 for 7 years
So if nothing else
I'll just hold on while you drift away
i held to the promises i made, and u?
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
you always do
Is everything that makes me feel alive
dear friends of mine, iha,eelar,eelar eelar (33 kali),moni, jaja, even juan (dammit juan control ur woman!), even teacher mala to be deleted?

Seeing the ashes in my heart
burnt has it since years earlier but silence befriending i have been
The smile the widest
hiding my sorrow from u just to make u happy
When I cry inside and my insides blow apart
for ages and ages but never did u understand
I tried to wear another face
as usual oh so usual
Just to make you put me in my place
but did u??
But everything you wanted from me
when have u been a giver?
Is everything that I could never be
didnt took me as me did you?

Maybe tonight,
It's gonna be alright
I will get better
i already am
Maybe today
It's gonna be okay
I will remember
everything that has been done

I held the pieces of my soul
broken unmended torchered and kept quiet
I was shattered and I wanted you to come and make me whole
once upon a time, a long long ago, when i used to know u
When I saw you yesterday
i wish i dont have to see u ever again
But you didn't notice
you only notice money, you plastic
And you just walked away
like u used to do
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
my love for debate, my family, friends, the true me, the kid inside of me
Is everything that makes me feel alive
you killed me from the inside

The cities grow
the rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
and i don't even care
But i'm still here
a man of my word
If you were right and I was wrong
like you said to everyone
Why are you the one's gone
ain't it funny?
And i'm still here
i talk the talk n walk the walk, whattabout u?
The lights go out, the bridges burn
u destroyed urself, never did i intervene
Once your gone, you can't return
the song sings for itself
But i'm still here
end life when i end loyalty. so loyal was i. remember the word 'was' please
Remember how you used to say I'd be the one to runaway
oh u always did say that remember? moni?jaja?..we always fight 'cause of this
But I'm still here
not waiting for u, ur not worth mentioning anymore. i wash my hands off of u.

(30 marks)

music appreciation song of the day - fix you by coldplay (album x & y)

2006-06-22T06:14:00.000+08:00

The reason why i tepek this song in my friendster (www.friendster.com/andrighaxaly) - add me dear strangers so that we can be connected and know each other and become friends..spread the love luv! - is because how Chris Martin emailed me *puhhhleezz* the other day to saye how his lyrics got connected to my life. So im gonna let him know thru this blog today..ok Chris? Mak ko sihat dak? Laa mane aku kat seblah ko? Derang crop gambar tuh ekk.Dammit

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
i've done my best this past years, wonder why never succeed?wonder why need to change fac?all this while i did everything for you
When you get what you want, but not what you need
i got you as my girlfriend, but i need to be happy
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
sleepless nights just to accompany you
Stuck ni reverse
Gear box kereta saper yg rosak? haha!

When the tears come streaming down your face
Oh you and your melodramatic sympathetic sad stories
When you lose something you can't replace
i lost 7 years of my life which i could have spend in Japan, thanks to you...
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
7 years of it..7 years of my love and loyalty and 50000k of it
Could it be worse?
Not even the slightest memory of you

Lights will guide you home
hallucinated bout these white-robed people taking my life away during hospital stay
And ignite your bones
doing bone marrow transplant sometime in the future
And I will try to fix you
if you also give 100% commitment" said the good-looking Dr. Chang

High up above or down below
were you there during my darkest hours?lowest point in my life?
When you too in love to let it go
thats what i felt for you once upon a time long ago
If you never try you'll never know
meeting the world and new people being free
Just what you're worth
so much more than money can buy
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And i will try to fix you

project mayhem@ fight club

2006-06-22T00:53:00.000+08:00

MISCHIEF MAYHEM SOAP

to remember me...

2006-06-20T14:02:00.000+08:00

The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and the dying. At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of machine. And dont call this my deathbed.

Let it be called the bed of life, and let my body be taken from it to help others to lead fuller lives.

Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman. Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain. Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that someday, a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her window.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weakness and all prejudice against my fellow man. Give my sins to the Devil, give my soul to God.

If by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have to asked, I will live forever.

Robert N. Test

courtesy of Haematology HKL
tq kakak nurse yg tolong cabutkan n made a copy if this.(later i'll know ur name)
its not a poem but a writing on the most beautiful way for us to leave this world.

nursery rhymes for cancer patients :)

2006-06-18T08:03:00.000+08:00

Chemotheraphy made me a living zombie,
Turned my body blue and my nails black for free,
My urine red and made me vomit the organs inside out of me,
Made me kinda stupid n slow of memory, but it also kept me from obesity,
Then came the doctors and gave me cute lil' white pills name dexamethasone,
It's actually a kinda strong steroid, these scary pills i own.
Been taking it for two months now and you can see how they go,
My face is full of acne now and i became plump.
I gained 7 kilos, look unnaturaly and sickly fat and dumb
Well thank you dexamethasone, you made my hormones go upside down.
And not to forget haematology department, you made my world go round.
And now im taking another leave, to do radiotheraphy,
I hope that it wont hurt so much, i hope my cancer leaves,
So all friends n foes who read this please, let us unite and pray to God,
that I will heal in time,continue my studies and to enjoy what I have not!!

Andri Ghazali
1983-present

tagged (a wasted post posted by me told to be posted by andriyani ghazali)

2006-06-18T05:16:00.000+08:00

Three names you go by
1.andre (dammit guys it's andri andri it's with an i laa!!)
2.syabo0(no mummy i'm clean of drugs..its just sound so aneh and cool)
3.robbie(the after-effect of singing better man in the bathroom every single day)

Three parts of your heritage
1.Afghan
2.Chinese
3.Malay

Three things you can't stand
1. my ex, my ex, my ex..axe her
2.people who chomps and chews their food noisily (aaarrgghh!!)
3.dirty public toilets without water supply (like shit how am i suppose to you know what when there's you know where there n can't sembur with getah paip sumore eeiiyakk)

Three things that scare you
1.clowns and walking stuffed animals (f**k you Barney aaaaaaargh run kidss!)
2.roaches scare the shit out of me
3.the sight of blood oozing and dripping freely *giddy dah*

Three drinks (alcoholic or non)
1.Esprits
2.orange milk
3.fruit tree apple juice with the little2 cube of fruits in it

Three of your everyday essentials (beside common human needs…)
1.men's deodarant
2.computer..if not so sangap
3.a set of mp3 and a book (do not disturb ladies-an act of urban intelligence is on play here)

Three things you are wearing right now
1. Pagoda quality singlet size 44
2. Sarong/kain pelikat Atlas brand (reg. no 176998)
3. Imaginary Giorgio Armani designer's brief (haha!)

Three of your favourite movies
1. Fight Club
2. Lock, stock and two smoking barrels
3. Snatch

Two truths and a lie
I'm suffering from lymphoma cancer
I'm single (cheap publicity haha!)
A lie? I never lie...

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you
1.lovely, sexy, the piercing-through-you-look set of eyes..eyes never lie
2.pretty,symmetric, mancung nose..its the centre of the face and plays a big part whattt
3.a lovely set of teeth that reflects the most beautiful smile which brings the warmth to your heart

Three things you want in a relationship
Someone/something totally different from my previous relationship by having
1.laughter
2.warmth and affection
3.truth and honesty

Three of your favourite hobbies
1.Nurse-looking ok tak?
2.Window shopping
3.Arts,music and culture appreciation

Three careers you are considering, or have considered
1.Bank officer/manager/financial planner
2.Lawyer
3.Businessman(used to want to be taxi driver when standard 2 coz saw all the money kak Ha paid to the man like soo banyak)

Three places you want to go on a vacation
1.The moon - known as the most expensive vacation package ever
2.Paris
3.Safari Desert

Three things you want to do before you die
1.to be able to say the kalimah syahadat laa obviously
2.travel the world and take all the chances it has to offer
3.can i like postpone my death?

5 songs I know all the words to
1.Can Asma ul-Husna be considered as a song?
2.Negaraku
3.Pahang State Song
4.Most of Coldplays
5.Most of Smashing Pumpkins

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars
1.Stare at it in disbelief for days maybe
2.Count it after 3rd day of staring
3.Show it to my parents
4.Then pack all of it in bags
5.And throw it in the sea - dude there's no way i'm gonna own 100 million in this life or the lifeafter..so it's not mine..better get rid of the evidencelah

5 things I would never wear
1.Baby clothes
2.The Pope's robe
3.Bra
4.Panties (so damn uncomfortable) - kantoikan diri sendri haha j/k
5.A muzzle

5 favourite TV shows
1.House
2.The Mythbusters
3. Alias
4. 24
5. Friends

5 bad habits
1.Nose-picking (why is it best things in life are often regarded as bad?)
2.sometimes can be hot-tempered (but in a flash only, then turn back into sweet adorable mammal again)
3.big headed and stubborn
4.is farting a bad habit?
5.sometimes i talk too much

5 biggest joys
1.my break-up with my ex
2.enjoying life as a single guy (for the time being)
3.my scholarship
4.the joy of having wonderful parents and 4 wonderful younger sisters
5.being diagnosed with cancer..brought the purpose and courage in life out of me and i've start to see the world in a whole new different angle

5 People I want to do the same list
1.Adolf Hitler Schicklgruber
2.Mohandas Karamchand (Mahatma) Gandhi
3.Sun Tze
4.Ya'qub ibn Ishaq as-Sabah al-Kindi
5.Since none of them can do this stupid questionnaire, why dont you.. yeah you,the one who just read this, do it? (TAGGED!)

the best thing in the world

2006-06-17T11:39:00.000+08:00

What's the best thing in the world?
June-rose, by May-dew impearled;
Sweet south-wind, that means no rain;
Truth, not cruel to a friend;
Pleasure, not in haste to end;
Beauty, not self-decked and curled
Till its pride is over-plain;
Love, when, so, you're loved again.
What's the best thing in the world?
--Something out of it, I think.

Elizabeth Barret Browning
1806-1861

liberated lastly

2006-06-17T09:05:00.000+08:00

I have decided that i don't want to write anymore about my 7 years relationship-with-u story as i believe enough blood (or milk) has been spilt, and no use ranting about it, enough feelings were hurt, and enough hearts were broken. It isn't morally and ethically nice and right-thing-to-do to take pleasure on telling something so private to the world. i don't want to be dragged down to such standards as i knew i have been raised to be a good person. It feels soooo much better being a gentleman than a rat. To my ex, i know you'll be hurt by reading my post.(who asked you in the 1st place lol haha!) No apologies from me but magnifythe hurt you felt by reading the post with a 100000 lens-powered super-telescope, and do wonder that I used to get that much hurt from you but now its okay. I understand God intervene for a purpose. For now, I just want to say may you and your new boyfriend be happy with your new lives. I won't be friends of yours but neither i'll be your enemies. Please don't interfere and intrude the life of mine, my family and my friends as much as we don't disturb your lives okay? please. For ardent readers of liberated lastly, i hope you noble readers understand my feelings and situation. I have to delete this post before things get out of hands and more people will get hurt. i will put effort to find other interesting posts to write and please don't stop clicking at my blog and continue to enjoy perusing writings from me the blog-newbie. Thank you and sorry guys for taking the posts out - do understand. auf wiedersehen - tschuss!!

sonnet XLIII

2006-06-16T07:12:00.000+08:00

How do i love thee? Let me count the ways
I love thee to the depth
and breadth & height
my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
for the ends of Being & ideal Grace
I love thee to the level of
everyday's most quiet need, by sun & candle light
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints - I love thee with the breadth,
Smiles, tears all my life!
and if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death

Elizabeth Barret Browning
1806 - 1861

after what i have gone through, wonder who should i recite this beautiful poem to?

memento

2006-06-14T00:23:00.000+08:00

Like oceans, we have spent
this time together before.
In galley slave pits you fed me
water and removed my slivers.
Riding Ch'u dynasty chariots
we perished on Mongol swords,
We toiled rocks in chains
and built Stonehenge,
drank with King Arthur
and danced with Black Elk.
We fled, hand-in-hand, dodging
Hitler's bullets, and
I carried you over the border
to have our lasting love in freedom.
During past full moons, the sun set
the seas in orbit
and as driftwood we tumbled
onto the shores of somewhere beautiful,
Another life together, my love?

Originally by Chris Coleman

the end is the beginning is the end

2006-06-12T09:07:00.000+08:00

I finally welcome myself shyly (uh uh wah wah) from my deep slumber of depression, of endless silent screams, of years of deprieving myself from laughter n happiness i should have felt. It has been a year now since cancer started. It has been 6 months kak ija mummy n co. persuade me to start a blog of my own. my owwwnnn..my precioussssss (air liur berjejehh). Well here i am..and slowly and time-abidingly shall we become the perasan-being a-good-captivating-storyteller of our time..blogging suxlah :)

aikh laterlahh.. need to go to dentist after absence of dentistry (between us) for 6 years..haha gile mesti buruk gile gigi aku nih...

Sooo, welcome, dear friends and strangers, to these humble boxes blog of mine, and let me enlighten you with words filled with stupidity, malice, joy ,pain and other worldly expressions that i could think of during this hiccuping period of my life. Later~

melancholic lullabies

L.O.V.E. (Part II)

I Want...

Why I Love You So Much

Things You Don't Get To See Everyday

The Table Manners Story

Words Of Wisdom

L.O.V.E. (Part I)

Song Of The Week : Muse - Starlight

And Here I Am..Back In MMU Again

New year 2007 and raya haji coming too!

Apocalyptica is kool

Poetry Appreciation - Farewell

Words Of Wisdom

To Be Dark But Not Sinister~

What You Have Shown Me

Song Of The Week : Rod Stewart - I Don't Want To Talk About It

How Hurtful Can It Be Tomorrow?

tensi

Of Malay's Kemelayuan (continued)

Of Malay's Kemelayuan (bila nak mengembang?)

The proud Malaysian movie industry

Song of The Week : The Perishers - There's Nothing Like You And I

untitled

the song of the week : Blue October - Hate Me

the love song of the week : Smashing Pumpkins - Shame

if i were to love you...

Song of the Week : Smashing Pumpkins - Stand Inside Your Love

Damien Rice's superb Blower's Daughter song and guitar tabs/chords/whatever

news news..aah..news

Amoretti (from the sequence of The Faerie Queene)

I (adjective?)

i wanna go

The Song of the Week : Juliet the Orange - Quizzical

The Deafening Silence

the girl of my dream

how does it feel?

fifth vertical poetry #27

music appreciation *Song of the Day* - by your Side by Sade

cancer calls

A very interesting insight of blogging from an experienced bloggerr

Tan Mun Loong 1989 - 2006

music appreciation *Soundtrack of the Day* - this is your life by The Dust Brothers (Fight Club OST)

music appreciation *Song of the Day* - i'm still here by Vertical Horizon

music appreciation *song of the day* - fix you by coldplay (album x & y)

project mayhem@ fight club

to remember me...

nursery rhymes for cancer patients :)

tagged (a wasted post posted by me told to be posted by andriyani ghazali)

the best thing in the world

liberated lastly

sonnet XLIII

memento

the end is the beginning is the end

music appreciation Song of the Day - by your Side by Sade

music appreciation Soundtrack of the Day - this is your life by The Dust Brothers (Fight Club OST)

music appreciation Song of the Day - i'm still here by Vertical Horizon

music appreciation song of the day - fix you by coldplay (album x & y)